PAST.

It has never permitted to go back in the past. That is why tomorrow exists --you move forward. Or else, the word REMINISCE would have meant nothing.

- from a friend who visited me after ages.
sigh.

dethroned.

I remember the day i found out that you cheated on me:

EVERYTHING CRASHED.

my world. our world. my life. our lives. my dreams. our dreams.

How can you do this to me?

that was just one of the million questions i had in mind. While im trying to catch my breath, i still couldn’t believe what i have realized. YOU LIED BIG TIME.

I endured the bad treatment i received from you. Turned my back against my friends. Did not give a damn about the things people would say about us especially my church. Turned down my family. I prioritized your welfare. I did all the things i never thought i could ever do just to satisfy you. I believed every real and unreal things about you. I gave everything i have just to make you stay. But you took me forgranted. Literally. I continued to be faithful and nice to you grasping my never dying hope that someday, somehow, you’d love me right. Until that day. That fateful day that i caught you.

Four straight days after the said fateful day, i experienced the most excrutiating thing i have never felt before. i died a million times. Everytime i stayed locked up in my room, every moment i smell your scent on my pillow, everytime i remember how i used to wake you up, the way we laugh our asses off, the songs you sing so i could just go to sleep, everytime i look at an empty closet that used to be full with your clothes, especially whenever i think of the way you say how much you loved me. Those were all gone now. I worked hard for a year and 3 months to make our relationship work. Called all of my friends just to hear something positive. Cried every moment i think of the things we used to do that you do with her now. You always knew that we could settle our differences, that there are ways on how we can handle each other. But you opted to handle another heart instead of mine. By just taking that point, i died again. another million times.

I thought i would never see myself not being with you. I even once said to a friend that i love you too much and the only pain i wouldn’t bear is the pain of being without you. At that point, what i felt for you was so real that it was overwhelming. I was even ready to forgive you, take you back and love you more than i have loved you at first. I waited for you to come home but you never did. You knew that all it would take for you to have me back was a simple apology. i know i fought for whatever it was that i had for you. i fought so hard that the last thing i did was to give you up. I gave up not because im tired nor im so hurt but I gave up because if you really loved me, you would’ve not cheated on me.

I could say that everything in the relationship was a lie. But since i loved you so dearly, i decided to deceive myself so i could just live in your world. it was a pathetic decision but i dont want to regret anything i did because if it wasnt for it, i would’ve not learned. i would’ve not known myself. i would’ve not realized how beautiful it was being away from you.

After a couple of months, you saw me happy. Much happier when i was with you. And you said the most funniest thing, you wanted me back. Well unfortunately, i gained the strength to live without you now. I am better. Im still in the healing process but i know the worst would soon be over. So here’s just what i have to say:

it was so nice to meet you.