ramping..

i am just curious. why is everybody rushing just to get into a relationship? is it really for a deep hunger for commitment or just for the sake of having someone to cuddle up with when it's raining? is it because you have 'convictions' that you could no longer wait for the right person at the right time? is it because of our generation's trending?

if you have to have answers to those questions, you got to be kidding. i find it superficial. come on, man. would you really want to end up with someone you don't really know? i mean, you only get to be single ONCE IN YOUR DAMN LONG LIFE. and you can't even compare the span of being single with the span of being committed/married.

commitment is broad. you can explain having different views but at the end, it would only imply one thing -responsibility, right? and no matter how you justify yourself for what kind of relationship you have, IT ISN'T A GAME. you don't play just to hurt people. you don't play to cheat. you don't play to have sex. if that's the case, that isn't a relationship at all, you know what i call it? SELF-DECEIVING.

i know it's nice to have someone to think of and care for everyday, that it's nice to have someone to hold just to make you warm (maybe to make you also feel secure in a way), that it's nice to talk to someone anytime of the day without hesitating, that it is very nice to miss someone special and and it is so completing to have someone you love beside you. i know that feeling because i have been there but i was just able to come to my senses and realized that what i was feeling wasn't beautiful at all. it was ENVY. i had been envious because i know i deserve better. it was SELF-PITY. because i can't make myself happy alone. i tend to be dependent. i didn't know how to be myself. it was LUST. not the green lust but lust in a sense that i couldn't really put into words now. and it was so WORLDLY. i forgot the basics. i forgot my conviction and self-respect. i forgot what's right. AND THAT MADE ME REALLY DEVASTATED.

when i look back, i smile. BECAUSE I AM HAPPILY ALONE. i really don't need relationships (mental note: at this moment!Ü). i saw my cause. if people only knew how joyful it is to be able to appreciate singleness, i bet they would double the attendees on church services every Sunday. singleness is a gift from God that He wants us to make us of it. there's no need to rush. everything has to happen in God's perfect time. we should just need to wait for it with all our hearts, trust and faith.

and also, a relationship isn't all about HAVING someone because you were drunk last night but BEING with someone for the right reasons. or why not have yourself first before being with someone?