inevitable.

im 23. in my 23 years, i have acquired a lot of lessons. plenty of it. some i've learned from painful experiences and some are from the happy ones. some are deep while some are superficial. i forgot some and i remember some. those i remember are inscribed in my heart together with its scar. i have been learning for years now. but I DONT LEARN. or should i say, i refuse to.
struggles, at the end of the day leave significant things. as always, before it ends, i know what's the next step to take. i make plans and i have goals. but the procrastinator in me always, always steps ahead. and since im weak, it eats me. i tend to leave everything hanging. and basically, i dont finish anything that i have planned to do.

im human. flesh and blood. i get tired too. i get annoyed when everything in me crashes. i am used of having things organized. but my life is a huge chaos now. for several years now, im like this and it is so tiring. struggles are too heavy to bear and time runs too long to contemplate. i made use of my reflection in the mirror to understand perplexing things. i was somehow successful. i made use of the unlimited supply of toilet paper to dry the non-stop tears from my tear ducts. i was devastatingly unsuccessful. i also made use of my resourced resources to recycle my life. i was just about to begin. you know, stagnant lessons has essence now. and i guess i dont want to waste those this time. i took my first step forward, i tripped. took another one, i tripped again. took one after the other, same thing happened. darn, talk about being weak! i dusted myself off but time hinders. i thought, what will happen if i step 10 times backwards? will i be able to catch up 20 times faster?

here i am, wanting to begin. wanting to rediscover everything i have forgotten. wanting to start fresh. it's just that when you have enough guts to reorganize your life, some things keep on messing around and you wonder if all those craps are simply the game of fate.

condemned.

words really mean something. whether you mean it or not, it will imply a confusing message to those who would hear it. but most of the time, we tend to beat around the bush especially if we grasp for the right words to use to avoid getting someone hurt. but the truth hurts, right? no matter how we try to elude bringing perplexion, words and delivery couldn't simply fake it.

people nowadays doesn't give a shit to whatever they would want to say. though they know that they could use millions of PROPER (should i say DECENT?) words to express what they feel, they still give in to brutality. some doesn't even notice that they are abusing others verbally, and i feel like im cursed to this. all my life, i have been verbally abused. im stil not used to it, though. everytime i hear words that i can't bear from my loved ones, it buries itself deep in my heart. bad thing is, i don't often forget painful words. it's like someone tattooed it to my heart.

and that's where the problem usually starts.